[unsure on how to do a lj cut:S]
*can someone please tell me so i can like edit it and fix it?
my name is Madison, i will be 15 on Friday.
i would classify myself as either an anorexic who purges, or a bulimic who fasts..?
last week i had to retire my excessive purging habits after i tore my esophagus and spent quite a while throwing up blood.
my best friend has ED as well
i believe i've always had ana tendencies
i never eat when i am upset or happy.
in the 8th grade, i would just go a week or two without eating..no reason really i guess i just thought i was fat(even though i was skinnier than like everyone lol), i just didnt eat..but i always had sports (which after passing out on the field..i would force myself to eat, for the sake of my team and performance) or my friends that would say 'eat something bitch!' lol
this semester was different. very different.
i came to Chicago to live with my father because me and my mom weren't 'getting along'
i love Chicago, the independence and freedom!, but my school was hell, jealous bitches started vicious rumors and harrassed me daily. My teachers didnt give a damn because i was the 'pretty' one soo i must be the bully in this case..they called me fat (even though..they were fatter than me..) ppl said i had thunder thighs..told me i was fat.
i have been in no sports. my 'friends' actually encouraged/enabled me.. which is why i went from 140 at spring break (the last time i saw my mom) to about100 now (im 5'7'')
my dad doesnt seem to notice or even care, which worked for me for a while but now it just frustrates me that he makes comments about what a pig i am! how im always eating all the food in the house..leaving messes everywhere. (i used to make it look like i was eating, leaving dirty plates in the sink, wrappers at the top of the trash, etc.)
his fiance used to 'remind me to eat'..seriously..as if i would forget.
"remember to eat when you get home from school" -more like remember to flush some food down the toliet..
soo i am -a laxative junkie -who really wants to get a hold ipecac -and doesnt necessarily 'enjoy eating'
on saterday i am going to my mom's to visit for the summer..i will fortunatly be 40pounds lighter, but will be bringing back an eating disorder..im scared shitless.
for realzzz. my mom is not a clueless asswhole like my father. she's ganna NOTICE my bones show lol ughh idk what to do..i've tried to be normal but i just CANT. ughh
i am definetly going to be pretty reluctant to step off that plane this weekend.